Lean not on your own understanding
Timi Olaitan
Having a source of love is easy. Balancing multiple sources can be tricky. As a result, some develop a preference for one love reservoir – but how do we avoid unleashing Pandora’s Box of toxicity that co-dependency often catalyses while still receiving the best from that love?
What does it mean to be co-dependent? I would define Co-dependency as a dynamic where a person is excessively reliant on another person, to the extent that their absence is detrimental to their physical or mental health. People who (sub)consciously engage in this may struggle with boundaries, a need for approval or the replacement of their needs for others. The result of this is often the breakdown in a relationship initially created to be amazing due to emotional burn-out. We need to remember that as people we will always fall short, no one is perfect and therefore placing extremely high expectations on one another will always end in disappointment to some extent.
Proverbs tells us to trust in the Lord with all our heart and to not lean on our own understanding (Prov 3:5-6). This passage relates to so much more than co-dependency, but for today, the key points for me are ‘trust’, ‘all your heart’ and ‘do not lean to [your] own understanding’.
To trust is to have a firm belief, or strength in something you have no control of. That on its own is a huge hurdle to overcome if a lot of your energy sits in anxiety - and understandably; not knowing if your decisions will harm or advance your time on earth is an extremely nerving task, and that’s why the Word gives sooo much attention to feelings of anxiety. Please note that any outcome can be rectified, so be anxious for nothing (Phil 6-7). Trust is also something we do faith. It’s similar to the feeling I just described, but the difference is in the proof of Who we are trusting. Knowing He knew me before He created me (Jer 1:5) is one I rely on DAILY, which is why knowing His Word is so important, especially in moments of doubt, and having it in mind can ease the pressure you may burden the people in your life with, and in turn, reduce the nurturing of a co-dependent environment. Trusting people you see regularly may come easier than trusting God who you have never seen physically, but trust me, the manifestations of His presence are everywhere you look, trusting Him is so much easier than you can imagine. Just say these 6 words daily: ‘Lord, help me trust in you’ and the results will change your life!
‘All your heart’ is step two. This will come easier as you develop the first step because you can never put your all into something you don’t believe in, and the best way to build your belief is to spend time learning. For example, I learned the love of God never ceases and His mercies over me are renewed every morning (Lam 3:22-23). Promises like that are hard to come by, and I know He is not like a human who lies, so when He says something, He means it. Spend a little time learning about God and His love daily by researching key Bible verses (you’ll see some here soon 😉) and you will realise having Him as your main source of love is a HUGE W.
‘Lean not on your own understanding’ is the final step in the process. The smart choice is to lean on His wisdom, because mine doesn’t even compare. He knows my beginning, middle and end, my understanding is limited in comparison to His.
The same passage promises if we trust and lean on Him, ‘He will make straight’ our paths. This is just one promise of HUNDREDS associated with the benefits of depending on God. Definitely surround yourself with loving friends and family, but don’t forget to have Him in the mix too.
